Pregnant for the second time, when to announce it to the elder?
It is good to wait at-least 3 months before revealing the arrival of this second child to your eldest. This avoids confronting the eldest with possible bad news too early and at the same time, it is about then that they might notice that you are gradually inflating like a balloon! 😂😂😂
I'm afraid of not knowing how to handle this second child, is that normal?
We are not going to hide it, having a second child changes the life of a family, but most importantly that of the mother. And as with the first pregnancy, you ask yourself what are the new challenges that await you. The early days can be a bit chaotic. Living as a 4 is brand new to you and includes a lot of organizational changes. Between a child who begins to have his bearings and a mini you who needs all the attention. Most of the times, everyday life is turned upside down.
But there is a really great second phase. It is often obscured because of all the apprehensions that invade our thoughts: the one where it is, we control. We master the art of managing two children at the same time, we master the daily management. With hiccups (and that's normal, it happens every day).
Will my children get along?
It may be that with the arrival of this new baby, your oldest child will be on guard. He may feel jealous. And then maybe he dreamed of a boyfriend and can't even play with him. No fun baby. But little by little your younger brother will grow. Your eldest will become the perfect ally to sponsor hits behind your back with him. You will see that a real bond between the two will be built. But in the meantime, always know how to comfort the greatest when he needs it. You have to remind him that he holds as much room in your heart as his brother or sister. If your other half is taking care of the younger one, spend time with your older one. Manual activity, history, cooking session, nap, take the opportunity to remind him how much he is dear to you.
How do you organize with two children?
Find a routine or a method that works for you. If you've heard so-and-so say: “I do this, but why don't you do that?” Stop! The early days are complicated. You have to find your marks. And not everyone finds them at the same time and with the same ease. We test, we apply, we start again, we see how it goes.
And if you're feeling overworked, there's nothing stopping you from hiring a parenting coach. There is no shame in asking for help. On the contrary, you may feel relieved to have the advice of someone outside your family life. An expert who doesn't spend his time criticizing you for your behavior and the education you give.
Pregnant for the second time, what changes can you expect in your family life?
Whether it is material changes or organizational changes, a second child will turn your rituals upside down. List the questions running through your head:
Is the apartment still big enough to accommodate everyone?
Will the car hold up with two car seats and an extra person for the holidays?
Are the children going to share their rooms?
Do I want a separate baby room?
What kind of care do I want for my child?
Do I want to take parental leave?
We sit in front of the best pizza on Earth with a vitamin cocktail. And then, we discuss calmly with his half of the things to be taken care of together.
Will my married life take off with a second child?
If there is the parental couple, there is the loving couple. The one who started this family. Yes, with children, we have less time to devote to ourselves. And yes despite this busy schedule, you can continue to keep the flame alive. You have to be careful not to let yourself be overwhelmed by this mental load.
It can quickly take a toll on us and our mental well-being. We need to talk. Consider making your did list and reviewing it with your partner. When you feel that its heaviness is eating away at you both physically and psychologically, talk about it. As for romantic reunions, with micro dating impossible to lose sight of each other even with two children.
Will I love my second child as much as the first?
It is the fear of all mothers. Knowing if you are going to love your second as much as the first. No need to panic: love will multiply. It will never be divided. On the contrary, it will not grow. We have the impression of having given everything for the first. We do not know if we will be able to do as much for the second. Do not worry. You don't realize what nature can do. You will see what the miracle of love is.
Will I have time to spend with my oldest child with a second child?
Baby 2 will take up space, yes. Baby 2 does need more attention than your older one does. You can already hear yourself feeling guilty. Is your partner bottle-feeding? Top, take a nap with the big one or tell him a story. Baby is sleeping, you have to prepare snacks to anticipate a little. A little cocoa powder, yoghurts, sugar, flour, a little oil… We launch the yoghurt cake of the century. And we cook with his eldest, baby monitor nearby.
Am I going to have the same pregnancy?
No pregnant woman experiences the same pregnancy for her children. But with a child already present, things are not experienced the same way. It can of course be more tiring, for other mothers more serene. Likewise, were you sick for the first time? It doesn't mean you're going to be on the second one. Maybe you took 20kg for the first one? For this time, maybe you will only take 10 mini kg?
Will I have the same childbirth?
You don't want to start worrying about having another cesarean or episiotomy. If you feel that these anxieties are on the rise, speak with your midwife, your gynecologist. Don't let feelings of unhappiness overwhelm you. Experts are there to support and listen to you. Why not do a bit of sophrology or acupuncture to relax and bring out certain disturbing worries or questions?